


To the one who saved me.

by APL



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 04:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APL/pseuds/APL
Summary: Joshua's emotional and it's just fine.





	To the one who saved me.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my mind for two weeks now.  
> i just have to let this one out.

Today's my twenty-seventh birthday. Let me tell you a little story.

When I was eighteen, I made a promise that when I turn twenty-seven, I will kill myself.

It was a goal, hell, for a few years, I even made it my dream. My total escape. From everything and everyone. I was done with life. 

Back then, my life was a routine. Same shit, different day. My brain was a disaster. There were days with too much emotion and there were days with none. My parents were great, friends as well, but there was something in me that gave up. I don't know what, when, where, why or how, but I tapped out. I could not do it anymore. 

Through the years, I've been in so much pain. Pain no one could ever understand. People kept telling me they do but they don't. Jeonghan, your Daddy, endured, tolerated and helped me as much as he could. It was really hard not to give in to my "episodes" but the demons in my head always win. Tried seeking help, nothing. Nothing ever worked. Until one day, He gave me you. 

When I had you, the first few months were the hardest. No sleep, "episodes" were the worst, and all the time my skin broke, you'd be crying and sad with me, too. I was a mess, I berated, castigated and punished myself every single day, feeling as though I wasn’t giving you and Daddy my best, or I wasn’t taking care of you properly.

When you were 9 months, that's when it got better. Every impending shit storm you'd reach for my hand. Every single time, you'd just hold my hand until it stops and the comfort that comes after, unimaginable. 

Now, watching you sleep beside me, i figured out one thing. You've helped me. Without even realizing what you're doing, you've helped me. You gave me love. You gave me hope. You're always there for me. You're the best thing that ever happened. You're the only thing that's right in all my wrong. You gave my life a new meaning.

So, from today, until my last breath, thank you for saving me. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for giving me purpose. Thank you for showing me my worth. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me strength to not kill myself today. 

I thank God everyday for choosing me to be your Papa. I love you very much. I love you with all my heart.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading.  
> please let me know your thoughts.  
> find me on twitter: yoonhongApl :)


End file.
